A Hellsing Halloween
by Agent HUNK
Summary: Integra is hosting a party, and everyone is invited! Will the party turn out to be fun? Or will Alucard wreck it? Happy Halloween, everybody!
1. Chapter 1

What's Halloween without a Hellsing story? Yes, this is going to be a twisted tale of madness and idiocy. Expect stupidity, violence, some OOCness of varying degrees, et cetra. Enjoy the show!

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own the legal rights to Hellsing, V for Vendetta, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, or anything at all for that matter! So no lawsuits, please!

* * *

**PLOT:** Integra, for the sake of boosting moral, is holding a Halloween costume party. Hopefully things will not get _too_ out of hand, especially since she invited several members of Section XIII as a gesture of good will. 

---

**COSTUMES:**

Character: Costume (Source, if any)

Integra: Witch

Walter: Mad Scientist

Alucard: V (V for Vendetta)

Seras: Samurai

Pip: Pirate

Maxwell: Mummy

Anderson: The Black Knight (Monty Python)

Heinkel: Yumiko

Yumiko: Heinkel

* * *

"Alucard, have you gone bloody _mad_?" Integra blinked incredulously at her servant. He was dressed as V from the V from Vendetta movie. 

"I thought it would be a good costume," Alucard shrugged.

"You have on a Guy Fawkes mask! That is not the best choice for a British party involving Protostants and Catholics!" Integra slapped her head, causing her pointed hat to become crooked.

"I'm sure nobody will care. Police Girl!" Alucard suddenly turned to face his fedgeling as she ran by, a box of candy in her arms. "What are you supposed to be?" he had a mocking tone.

"A samurai," she smiled, showing off the armor she had on.

"Why a samurai?" he raised an eyebrow beneath his mask.

"Because I thought it would be cool!" she smiled.

"AVAST!" somebody with a heavy French accent suddenly called out. Everyone turned to face Pip Bernadette, who was decked out in pirate garb and swinging a plastic sword. "I am Jeac Pierre, ze most feared French pirateof all time!

"Then why have I never heard of him?" Alucard whispered to Integra.

"He made up that name. Now go find something to do and leave me alone," Integra whispered back.

"When does ze party start?" Pip looked around as soldiers finished putting up the decorations.

"In an hour," Integra replied. "Please, everybody, try not to cause too much trouble. This is all in good fun."

"Alright, Sir!" Seras saluted, dropping the box of candy she had in her hand. "Oops!"

"Ergh," Integra sighed. "Why do I get the feeling this is going to be a disaster?"

-------

The members of Section XIII stepped out of their limo and walked towards the front door of the Hellsing mansion. "Anderson," Maxwell looked over at his operative, who tilted his helmeted head towards his boss. "When we get in there, do NOT try to kill anybody. I want to keep this as civil as possible."

"Yes, sir," the Paladin replied, his voice showing a hint of dissappointment.

"Heinkel, Yumiko," he looked at his bodyguards. "No violence. Keep Yumi out of this. And _what_ are you two supposed to be, again?"

"Each other," Yumiko smiled, pointing at her new priest clothes. Heinkel shrugged. Apparently, the prospect of looking like a nun was not one she enjoyed.

"Okay. Whatever. Lets just try not to cause _too much_ trouble," Maxwell grinned. They where met at the door to the manor by Integra's butler, Walter, who was dressed in a lab coat and wearing gloves.

"Ah, I see you accepted the invitations. Please, enjoy the party, and lets not allow ourselves to let petty differences to get in the way of fun," Walter smiled and opened the front door.

"Petty differences? They're a bunch o' monsters," Anderson muttered under his breath as he stepped into the mansion. He was stopped dead in his tracks by several Hellsing soldiers wearing suits of armor.

"The Black Knight!" one of them pointed a plastic sword at Anderson.

"Grrr..." Anderson growled to himself as the soldiers drew their fake weapons.

"En garde!" one of them warned in a joyull manner. He held his sword outward in a threatening way. In the blink of an eye, Anderson had drawn his own sword and sliced his opponent's blade in half. The soldier stared at the broken blade, and then let out a nervous laugh. "Right then, old chap. I'll just let you be, then..." the soldiers beat a hasty retreat.

"I told you to avoid causing trouble!" Maxwell hissed at his operative.

"They started it..." Anderson shrugged.

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"AVAST!" Pip suddenly screamed in Seras' ear, causing her to drop the glass of punch she was holding. "Hahaha! I got you zat time, Seras! Hahah-" his laughter was interupted by a swift kick in the stomach, which sent him flying backwards. "Urf!"

"Jerk," she turned around and walked off.

"I don't deserve zis..." Pip coughed as he returned to his feet, his stomach hurting like there was no tommorrow. A sudden tapping on his shoulder caused him to turn around. He found himself staring at a towering suit of dark armor.

"Where is Alucard?" a voice asked from under the black helmet.

"Er..." Pip looked around. "I am not sure... ask Seras. She'd love to answer you're questions!" he smirked, pointing at the already annoyed vampire.

"Thank ye," the knight bowed and headed over to Seras. He tapped her on the shoulder, hoping to ask her about his rival.

"Grrrrrrr..." Seras started to growl. "GO AWAY, PIP!" she suddenly spun around and punched the knight in the face. His helmet flew off and sailed through the air, landing in a bunch bowl with a loud splash. Seras gasped when she saw the face of the person she feared the most. "Oh no..."

"That hurt, Draculina," Father Anderson stated bluntly, raising his right hand to his face and adjusting his broken nose, which quickly healed. "But I'll pretend it didn't happen. Where is Alucard?"

"I... I'm not sure. Probably with Integra," Seras squeeked, petrified with fear.

"Thank ye..." he bowed. He then walked back over to the punch bowl and removed his helmet it. He then punched Pip in the stomach and left him sprawled out on the floor.

-------

"I don't care if you're bored!" Integra tried to shoo away her 'pet' vampire. He had interupted her conversation with several high ranking government officials just to tell her he was bored to death. "Find something to do! It's a party! Socialize! Eat cookies! Drink punch!"

"Punch?" Alucard turned to one of the many snack tables with punch bowls on it.

"Er... on second thought..." Integra didn't trust him with everybody's drinks, "Why don't you try to scare a few people? It is Halloween, so they may enjoy it for once!"

"I like the way you think, Master," Alucard quickly disappeared into a cloud of darkness.

"What did I just unleash upon the world?" Integra sighed.

"Boo," Enrico Maxwell suddenly popped up in front of her, obstructing her entire field of vision.

"Hello, Maxwell," Integra frowned. "I see you actually decided to come here."

"Why pass up a chance to help our diplomatic situation?" Maxwell smiled. "If our two groups could get along more often, we could remove a lot of the conflict between them." He was lying through his teeth, of course. He only came here to spike the punch and watch all the drunk Protostants stumble around.

"I doubt that is the reason you came here," Integra replied. "But, hopefully this will ease the mistrust between our two forces."

"As long as your vampire and my paladin don't cross paths, we will be alright..." as soon as he said this, the sounds of a sword being drawn and a gun being loaded reached his ears.

-------

"You've got to be joking..." Alucard aimed both his guns at the armored priest.

"I'm bored, and so are you. So lets have some fun!" Anderson laughed, spinning his sword from hand to hand.

"Good point. Why do you smell like fruit?" Alucard hoped to annoy him a bit before the fight started.

"It's because of the wee Draculina..." Anderson replied.

"She dumped fruit punch in your armor or something?" Alucard snickered behind his mask.

"No, she-" Anderson was interupted by Maxwell rushing out in front of him. Integra did likewise to Alucard.

"STOP!" both of them yelled at the same time.

"Aw..." Alucard moaned. "But we were having fun!"

"Take it outside!" Maxwell ordered.

"People are trying to enjoy the party! If you must fight, do it where nobody will get hurt!" Integra pointed to the exit.

"Alright then. I'll meet you outside, freak," Anderson sheathed his sword.

"Indeed..." Alucard holstered his guns and headed for the door.

-------

Soon, everybody had gathered on the roof of the mansion to watch the battle. It had not been an intended event, but everyone wanted to see the big fight. In front of the Hellsing manor, in the dark of the night, Alucard and Anderson where standing about 50 feet away from each other. "Place your bets! Care to place a wager on the fight? I've got twenty three votes on Alucard, twenty one on Anderson!" Pip was walking back and forth, collecting bets and wagers. "The fight is just about to begin! Place your bets while you still can!"

"I hate spectators," Alucard growled.

"As do I... lets get this started then," Anderson replied. On that, they both drew their weapons and raced at each other.

"I'd like to point out in ze event of a tie, the dealer takes all ze bets for himself," Pip smirked as everyone turned their attention on the fight.

------

Several minutes later, the fight was over. Anderson had lost both arms, and Alucard was pinned to a tree by several bayonets Anderson had been hiding inside his armor. Neither of them could still fight, of course. "Oh look, a tie!" Pip exclaimed, pocketing several hundred dollars and grinning from ear to ear.

"I'm not done with you yet!" Anderson barked, whobbling towards his foe.

"You've got no arms left!" Alucard yelled back at him.

"I can still put up a fight!" he ran at the vampire and began to kick him.

"Are you mad?" Alucard was more annoyed now than he had ever been before in his life. Here he was, the No Life King, pinned to a tree and being kicked by an armless priest in a suit of armor.

"This is priceless!" several spectators laughed.

"Grrrrr," Alucard growled. Finally, he kicked Anderson with so much force that he flew backwards, soaring several feet off the ground, spinning like a top.

"Yeaaargh!" Anderson yelled as he sailed through the air and hit the ground. "Ye bloody freak!"

"Alright, that is it!" Integra stormed onto the scene, followed closely by Walter and Maxwell. "This whole thing has gone on for far too long!"

"But Master..." Alucard was silenced by her stern glare.

"I have him right where I want him!" Anderson struggled to get up. Without arms, he was having a great deal of trouble.

"Anderson, cease this petty conflict," Maxwell ordered.

"Yes, sir..." Anderson groaned.

"Now, everybody back inside. The party isn't over yet..." Integra pointed back at the mansion. All the guests headed back inside, happy with what they had seen. Pip, after several heated arguements, was happy to keep all his winnings. Integra stopped Maxwell from spiking the punch, and yelled at him for quite awhile. Pip tried to flirt with Yumiko. He spent the next two weeks in the hospital. Apparently, Yumi did not like whatever he said. Integra managed to keep just about everything and everybody else under control. And so, the party went on to be a huge success. Everybody was happy and had fun!

Except for two people.

---

"I think they forgot about us..." Alucard saighed as he struggled to get free from the tree, but to no avail.

"I know..." Anderson replied sadly, still on his back. "I know..."

* * *

Well, it's over. I hope you all enjoyed the show. Please be nice and tell me what you think! Reviews would be appreciated! Heck, I'll even take flames... And yes, that was a very obvious Monty Python reference. Heh heh... 


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to all the people who read this, and to all the people who enjoyed it, and of course to all the people who reviewed! Happy Halloween... even though that is about 6 days late... heheh.

Costume explanations should be given, it seems...

Alucard was dressed as V because it seemed cool.

Integra was a witch because... well, I was short on ideas.

Seras was a samurai because a ninja didn't seem to fit her, and I thought she'd look funny in armor.

Pip seemed to fit the idea of a crazy French pirate... thus his costume.

Walter was a mad scientist because I was too lazy to think up an idea.

Same thing for Maxwell.

Anderson was the black knight for obvious reasons. "You've got no bloody arms left!"

Heinkel and Yumiko would have been funny switched up.

That about sums it up...

Well, I guess that's it! Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the story!

See you this Thanksgiving... hahahah!


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